you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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