how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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