don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
