I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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