I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."