the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.