before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way