what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches