Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived