u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
