I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.