I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?