Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?