even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.