2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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