dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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