I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
