It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize