Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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