Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize