The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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