Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
