im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I enjoy the company of your penis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize