FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
