i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
