I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
