I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I love having hate sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
