Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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