It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
