I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
