i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.