Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.