Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
