why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
