you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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