No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first