I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If its not for food we ain't going out.