my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will