I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"