It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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