My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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