Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
