She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
