Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
