When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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