There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize