All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
