At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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