Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize