Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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