I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize