and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
