I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
