Redeem this text for a blowjob
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
