: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
