just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
