My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
