so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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