real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
