he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
