I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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