So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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